1 All illegal immigrants must declare themselves to the authorities immediately. Upon declaration, we will do our utmost to find them jobs and housing - back in their own countries. Training in building updated banana boats will be given for crossing the English Channel back to France. Repatriation for illegals requiring travel further afield will be provided free of charge (once they have completed sufficient recompense for their earlier scrounging).
2 All French ports will be blockaded by the Royal Navy (thus creating a use for the Navy at last) and any illegals trying to cross into the UK via the Channel Tunnel or Eurostar will be declared "enemy combatants" and treated accordingly.
3 Immigration visas will only be provided for those that can support themselves and have legitimate job offers - verified by British authorities. Excellent written and verbal command of the English language is also a mandatory requirement. These posts will be non-accompanied (ie no families may be dragged along) until 5 year exemplary service to the UK has been achieved. No benefits or social services will be permitted.
4 French Authorities found aiding any illegals in attempting to cross into UK territory will be subject to immediate assassination or rendition in UK Military Prisons.
5 Travel into England from Wales will be denied to Welsh Nationals unless they have mitigating circumstances. The Severn Bridge toll charges will be raised to £1000 per person, £5000 per vehicle and £20000 per coach for travel out of Wales and will only apply to Welsh Nationals. The money from this tax will be used to reteach the Welsh the correct use of the English language and removal of Welsh language signs and literature, thus helping their economy and increasing jobs.
6 All Scottish nationals wishing to travel south of the border will be denied permission if they are in possession of bagpipes or have ginger hair. The only exception to this rule will be good looking non-ginger single nymphomaniac females. No mingers allowed.
7 All Scousers will be forced into work, or rule 1 will apply and be enforced with extreme prejudice.
8 All Chavs & Hoodies will be required to complete 12 months mandatory service at UK Military Bases, acting as live target practice for HM Forces. Trainers, shellsuits & burials will be provided. (See Articles 9 & 27 of the Domestic & Environmental Policy for Burial Procedures)
9 Job Seekers Allowance will only be given to those who have previously been in full time employment for 15 years. Anyone not meeting this requirement will be given mandatory work improving public facilities and infrastructure.
10 Anyone not in full time employment, or voluntarily working for the greater good of the country will find themselves falling foul of Article 1.
11 All Australian Nationals attempting to enter the UK will be subject to a Criminal Records Check going back to 1770 AD. This should ensure entry denied. (The Minogue Sisters are obviously exempt from this rule).
12 All US Nationals attempting to enter the UK will be forced to undergo British Military Recognition exams and will be banned from eating at fast food restaurants.
13 No French nationals will be allowed into the UK unless they arrive under Article 4 (Rendition) or are currently awaiting processing under Article 4 (Assasination).
.
No comments:
Post a Comment
This Is Your Chance To Talk Some Bollocks As Well !