World Cup 2010 Ultimate Guide

From Four Four Two


We guarantee this won't be the most beautiful FourFourTwo.com page you ever look at, but it could be the most helpful. Here, ladies and gentlemen, are the keys that unlock the best World Cup news, analysis and interviews on the planet.
For each and every one of the 32 competing nations, we're gathering Breaking News from all over the world. We've also got FourFourTwo's renowned Team Guides with analysis of the strengths, weaknesses, coach, players to watch and tactics of every team, plus profiles of all 23 players in every squad, and 32 exclusive interviews – one for each team.
 What are you waiting for? Get clicking...


SOUTH AFRICA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Steven Pienaar
MEXICO
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Andres Guardado
URUGUAY
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Diego Forlan
FRANCE
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Yoann Gourcuff 

ARGENTINALatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Gonzalo Higuain
NIGERIA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Obafemi Martins
SOUTH KOREA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Chu Young-Park
GREECE
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Theofanis Gekas

ENGLANDLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Wayne Rooney
USA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Jozy Altidore
ALGERIA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Karim Matmour  
SLOVENIA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Zlatko Dedic 

GERMANYLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Mesut Ozil
AUSTRALIA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Tim Cahill
SERBIA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Nikola Zigic
GHANALatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A John Paintsil

HOLLANDLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Eljero Elia
DENMARKLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Daniel Jensen
JAPANLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Shunsuke Nakamura
CAMEROONLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Aurelien Chedjou


ITALYLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Fabio Cannavaro
PARAGUAYLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Nelson Valdez
NEW ZEALANDLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Andrew Boyens
SLOVAKIA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Stanislav Sestak

BRAZIL
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Luis Fabiano
NORTH KOREA
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Ahn Young-Hak
IVORY COAST
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Salomon Kalou
PORTUGAL
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Simao Sabrosa

SPAINLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Andres Iniesta
SWITZERLAND
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Johan Vonlanthen
HONDURASLatest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Maynor Figueroa
CHILE
Latest news | Team guide | Player profiles | Q&A Mark Gonzalez

Vorsprung durch Technik

OMFG !!! I'm watching the German annihilation of Australia.
They look bloody awesome!
We're doomed !!!

World Cup FanPic - France

COCK !!!

World Cup FanPic - South Africa

OMFG !!! Commendable but on reflection this South African perhaps should have iether taken a bit more care with his homemade 'head dress' or checked it out in the mirror prior to going to the match!

Dick'ead ! :)

Green Fingers

Hmm ... I never saw that coming! Mind you, I don't think Robert Green did either!
May I say that as of now I stand behind Rob Green completely and utterly.
Steven Gerrard said the same last night.
With Gerrard and myself literally standing behind him, we can stop his errors counting against us!
We're doomed!

Related articles by Zemanta

• England v USA: Robert Green ready to 'take the flak' after World Cup howler (telegraph.co.uk)
• Players back Green as Capello weighs keeper switch (nationalpost.com)
• Kelly: England keeper Robert Green's blooper already a punchline (thestar.com)

Oh Yeah !!

'Who Ate All The Pies' (no not you AB!) have a rather delectible source of World Cup eye candy on their website from all the participating nations!


Loadsa potential Butlers there methinks !!


Click here to enjoy :)

Whining Tossers !

I'm watching the Platinum Stars vs England World Cup friendly match on Sky (God it's boring ... but it's either that or decorating!)


Apart from the fact that England look total bollocks, I'm getting annoyed as fuck about commentators and players whinging like the spoilt, overpaid, pampered pri-madonnas that they are, about boredom, and missing their families to represent their country etc etc etc


Oh and then there's the article today about the Ginger Ninja Paul Scholes, who apparantly wasn't given enough time to decide if representing England was worth it!


For fucks sake ... they get paid an absolute shockingly astrofuckingnomical wage, get treated like Gods, and are away for (hopefully) one month max in the absolute lap of luxury with virtually everything they could ever want ! (except WAGS)


Now compare these whining tossers to the lads and lasses currently representing our country in Afghanistan for six months at a time in Forward Bases, Patrol Bases or even Camp Bastion & Kandahar AB ... !

(Pics Below ... Go Fucking Compare !)

Yeah ... exactly !

Oh great, England’s first World Cup ref is “a bastard”

From The Spoiler
Oi oi! Here comes trouble…

Fans of The Apprentice will know the deal - the primary goal is to win, but before that, you need to find a fall guy just in case. A hapless cretin, a weak link, preferably a man/woman with a growing reputation for being a total ninny.
So, to use some popular village hall vernacular - bingo! England have already located their potential scapegoat, in the form of the Brazilian referee Carlos Eugenio Simon, who will be taking charge of their opening match against America’s second favourite variety of footballers come the weekend. (more…)

Related articles by Zemanta

• World Cup 2010: controversial Carlos Simon to referee England v USA group match (telegraph.co.uk)

OMFG !! Here we go again !!

But ... Artillery Bloke possibly had this story first ... and yes ... you heard it here first 


Now the online footy mag 'Off The Post' seem to have possibly the same story ...

Tabloid reportedly ready to go to town on World Cup star

Apologies for the cryptic nature of this post, but I don’t fancy going head-to-head with the very best lawyer a well-paid footballer can buy.

Any of you who indulge even occasionally in football tittle-tattle will probably have heard the tale of the married, reportedly hotel-dwelling Premier League star who allegedly got a schoolgirl pregnant.

Through a combination of super-injunctions and the newspaper biding its time to maximise impact, the story has not yet surfaced despite being an often repeated piece of gossip in footballing circles. This had led OTP to question whether it was, in fact, a load of rubbish.

But we have been tipped that the story will finally go to press this Sunday (last minute injunctions permitting).

Emile Donkey

Emile HesDonkey has once again proved his sheer lack of ability, and managed to cripple the now ex-England Captain Rio Ferdinand on the very first day of training in South Africa! (not that Ferdinand is that much of a loss ... but!). 


Nice one HesDonkey ... you fucking muppet !!!


And he has Ivanhoe as a middle name ?! It should be Judas !!


HesDonkey should be banished to his room - or better still sent back home - and be forced to watch  'Drop The Dead Donkey' (take the hint Fabio!) whilst playing Donkey Kong on his Nintendo !


We're Doomed !!!!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Capello turns to Plan B - with England's hopes pinned on King (independent.co.uk)
• England rules injured captain Ferdinand out of Cup (cbssports.com)
• What Does Rio Ferdinand's Injury Mean to England's World Cup Campaign? (bleacherreport.com)

EN-GER-LUND "THE RETURN OF THE CENTRE - HALF"

Has the England manager seen sense? Or has Heskey realised that he can actually tackle someone????

Anyway, what is he going to do for the next month? Well, til the end of the group stages then he will have to watch cricket like the rest of us.

No, I, that is me, Artillery Bloke has been undercover! I have discovered that Rio is in Brazil.

Yes, Brazil.

And he is having a bit of a party to celebrate. He is calling it a Carnival and I have the following, exclusive picture of Rio in his best going out clobber.......

Awesome World Cup Calendar

Marine Boy has found this extremely impressive World Cup Calendar! Nice one matey!

Enjoy

The Best World Cup Trailer Yet - Shame It's Australian!

Popout
More impressive than the Nike ‘Write The Future’ ad though? Me say yes!

We're Doomed!

After carefull consideration, I have come to this conclusion about our chances of lifting the World cup this year: Sweet F.A.! 


Sorry ... but that's what I think after including such donkeys as Heskey, Crouch & Carrick in particular !


On a lighter note, I did hear that on the flight over to South Africa, the pri-madonnas & donkeys were to be treated to football themed films and entertainment ... I bet John Terry couldn't wait to get into 'Gregory's Girl' !!


Anyway ... please salute England's Pri-Madonna Donkey Squad:


With a squad like that – Warnock! Heskey! Carrick! SWP! – how can England fail?
In the quarter-finals again, on penalties, that’s how.

Goalkeepers (top row from left): Donkey James, Robert Green, Joe Hart
Defenders (second row from left): Donkey Warnock, Pri-Madonna Cole, Pri-Madonna Terry, Jaime Carragher, Glen Johnson, Donkey Ferdinand, Ledley King, Matthew Upson
Midfielders (third row from left): Gareth Barry, Joe Cole, Aaron Lennon, Pri-Madonna Lampard, Donkey Wright-Phillips, Pri-Madonna Gerrard, Donkeyl Carrick, James Milner
Forwards (bottom row from left): Jermain Defoe, Donkey Heskey, Pri-Madonna Rooney, Donkey Crouch

Related articles by Zemanta

• England Team's Lucky 23 Fly To South Africa (news.sky.com)

The World Cup New Match Ball Top Ten Complaints

Image via Wikipedia

There has been so many teams that have been complaining about the new Adidas Jubulani match ball recently ... even David James has realised that this would be a great opportunity to apologise for being an inept buffoon in advance ... !

Related articles by Zemanta

• Adidas shocked at criticism of World Cup ball (msnbc.msn.com)
• Adidas counters criticism of its WCup ball (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• England World Cup squad: David James blasts 'dreadful' and 'horrible' Jabulani ball (telegraph.co.uk)
• The World Cup Goes High-Tech [World Cup] (gizmodo.com)
• Players not happy with 'supermarket' WCup ball (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• England World Cup squad: Fabio Capello's men set to depart for South Africa (telegraph.co.uk)
• Spain's Casillas latest to slam World Cup ball (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• World Cup 2010: Jabulani match ball designer 'unconcerned' by criticism (telegraph.co.uk)

Shock! Capello Unveils Squad of Mutant Rooneys!

From The Daily Mash

FABIO Capello has dropped 29 players from his provisional World Cup squad in favour of a side comprised entirely of mutant Wayne Rooneys.

The one with the head growing out of its ear tried to eat its own foot

The England Coach is hoping that untested cloning technology can propel his side to victory after the final friendly, which moved 'unnamed Japanese defender' to the top of England's goal scoring table.

Capello said: "Some of the mutants have come out a bit wonky and one of them keeps biting the heads off of physios.

"In fairness, that could well be the original Wayne, but nobody's been able to get close enough to check him for a belly button."

The new-look England will line up in a 0-0-10 formation, with the Rooneys slowly advancing in a straight line. The eleventh Rooney, an early attempt described as looking like a sixteen stone erection with a furious expression on what can loosely be called its face, will play in goal.

Capello said fears over exhaustion due to the increased altitude in South Africa will therefore be avoided when the opposing players run out of the stadium in unbridled terror after 30 seconds.

He added:"We have had trouble getting some of the Rooneys to push the ball into the net, especially Rooney14, who has just the one eye in his rectum, but we're asking FIFA if we can toss a lump of raw meat behind the goal to guide them in."

England's scientists have also engineered a bucket full of metatarsals and hamstrings to help maintain the squad, although the main fear is that a Rooney could get loose and wreak havoc in the delicate South African ecosystem.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "You really don't want to see what three Rooneys can do to a herd of wildebeest or an old folk's home.

"And if one of them crossbreeds with a hippo, it would probably be an improvement."

The Hosts of Euro 2016? France !!!!

(Above: Arrogant French Cheating Cock!)


France have beaten Turkey and Italy for the right to stage the European Championship in 2016. France previously staged the tournament in 1960 and were hosts again in 1984, winning it with a team captained by Michel Platini, the Uefa president.

The French, hosts and winners of the 1998 World Cup, beat Turkey by just a single vote after Italy were eliminated in the first round of voting.

Well there's a fucking surprise! 

And England held the World Cup in '66 and the Euros in '96.

The Arrogant French Cock (above) has chosen his Arrogant French Country to host the tournament ... but of course he isn't biaised in anyway shape or form. 

Bollocks!

(Above: French Cheating Cock!)

Still, at least the Filthy Frogs won't have to fucking cheat their way to 2016 like they did to this year's World Cup!

Related articles by Zemanta

• France chosen to host Euro 2016 (news.bbc.co.uk)
• France confirmed as host nation for Euro 2016 (soccernet.espn.go.com)
• France named as hosts of Euro 2016 as Italy and Turkey miss out (telegraph.co.uk)
• France to host 2016 European Championship (cnn.com)

England World Cup Songs: ‘Grab A Stella, Nelson Mandela’ By England United Featuring Spike

From 'Who Ate All The Pies'

LISTEN TO THE SONG HERE

Shambolic - yes. But also the best unofficial England World cup song I've heard yet, if only for the rhyming 'Stella' with 'Mandela' - suck on that Baddiel & Skinner !
The rest of the lyrics are spot-on too - 'Ashley Cole in his underpants', sung with appropriate disdain. Love it!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Robbie And Russell Team Up For World Cup Song (news.sky.com)

Come On England !

Superb !



If this doesn't make you proud - nothing will !

Enough said !

David 'Calamity' James

Image via Wikipedia

Just what the fuck is it with recent England goalkeepers ?!?!

Firstly - there was this buffoon, David Seaman






Just look at that bloody ponytail !! He should be ashamed and embarrassed !
Mind you - he is from Yorkshire ... enough said !

But - at least he was - at times - a capable(ish) keeper

Now though - we end up with this buffoon !!

David James !

The best keeper on the England team books ?! My arse!

The guy is a complete useless freak !

And taking his complete inabillity to do anything useful, or provide a tangible defence in between the sticks ... just check out his bloody hair !!!

He'll have opposition teams wetting themselves laughing !

David James hair styles are legendary - and for all the wrong bloody reasons !!

Check these out !

(this is the only fucking 'ball' he'll catch!)


And then - just when you thought you'd seen it all ...
Nice shirt !! NOT !

So to summarise ?

He'll probably make a complete balls-up of England's remote chances of winning the World Cup and is consequently a COCK !!!

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• Allardyce fumes at Robinson's England omission (soccernet.espn.go.com)
• World Cup 2010: treasure David James, England's eccentric goalkeeper (telegraph.co.uk)
• World Cup 2010: Fabio Capello's taken to task by FA over player 'Index' ratings (telegraph.co.uk)
• Sam Allardyce: Fabio Capello wrong to ignore Blackburn's Paul Robinson (guardian.co.uk)