1. All Catholic Priests must sign the sex register upon Ordination and will be banned from keeping small boys under their beds or in their closets.
2. All tree huggers will be treated as perverts and be prosecuted under the 2008 Tree Preservation Order.
3. The wearing of Burkas or other letter-box fancy dress gear will be outlawed immediately. Anyone caught wearing them will be subject to the penalties under Article 1 of our Immigration & Employment policy.
4. Anyone found trying to implement Sharia Law in the UK will be subject to the penalties under Article 1 of our Immigration & Employment policy.
5. A light curfew will be implemented at 22:00hrs daily in order to save on CO2 emmisions, light polution and help save moths and insects from incineration (ie "going into the light").
6. Anyone under the age of 21 found on the streets after 22:00hrs is liable to be arrested or shot.
7. PCSOs will be disbanded and replaced by real policemen and women, equipped with Night Vision Goggles and HK MP5s. (to assist in the upkeep of Article 6)
8. To help protect the youth of the future, all Catholic schools will be burnt down.
9. Capital Punishment will be reinstated immediately for bankers, rapists, paedophiles, bent lawyers, and murderers in the form of Public Burnings At The Stake. These Burnings will take place on Friday evenings at 20:00 and will be known as The BBQ Hour. (see Article 27)
10. UK Territorial Waters will be doubled to 24nm and exclusive fishing rights will be granted to UK fishing vessels only.
11. Highways Agency Traffic Officers, VOSA, Traffic Wardens & St John's Ambulance will be disbanded and it's members forced into real employment.
12. All teaching staff are to be allowed to use maximum force against unruly pupils where warranted. Dumbbells and HK MP5s will be standard classroom issue to staff.
13. UK Military Rules of Engagement currently require a warning to be issued before opening fire. Currently it states that the warning 'Army/RAF/Marines etc - Stop Or I Fire' should be shouted twice. This will be changed to one shout of 'Freeze Bitch Or Else!'.
14. Minimum driving and drinking age limits will be raised to over 25's only
15. All foreign vehicles must pay UK road tax for using UK roads.
16. All Sunday drivers and OAPs will be banned from driving to assist CO2 emissions.
17. Ryanair & Air France will be banned from UK airports and airways to reduce CO2 emissions and ugly people.
18. Country Singers will be banned and subject to the penalties under Article 1 of our Immigration & Employment policy. (except Miley Cyrus and Shania Twain).
19. In order to have a truly equal society, the MOBOs and Association of Black Police Officers etc will be banned.
20. A new post of UK President will be created in which Jeremy Clarkson will be Knighted and given the role.
21. All Daytime TV, Soap Dramas, crap TV ads, RomComs, GMTV, MUTV, Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing On Ice & Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber programmes will be banned immediately.
22. Anyone preaching or trying to implement Political Correctness will be subject to the penalties under Article 1 of our Immigration & Employment policy.
23. The Human Rights Act 1998 will be revoked immediately, along with all associated agencies.
24. National Lottery Funding will only be given to viable British projects.
25. All Charity monies raised can only be donated to British Causes.
26. The National Anthem will be replaced with Rule Britannia (Royal Navy personnel are banned from dancing along to this though. See Article 8 of the Foreign & Defence Policy).
27. Solid Fuels will be reduced and Renewable Fuels for homes & businesses will become mandatory by 2015. The bodies of OAPs and those incinerated under Article 9, will be recycled into Renewable Fuel to assist in this process.
28. All Mobility Scooters will be permanently banned from public areas.
29. All ugly & smelly people will be sent to live in France where they will go unnoticed.
30. All Ginger people will be sent back to Scotland.
Showing posts with label manifesto. Show all posts
Showing posts with label manifesto. Show all posts
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
Our Election Manifesto pt 2 ... Foreign & Defence Policies
1 The ancient rule of Prima Nocta will be immediately reintroduced in Scotland.
2 Irn Bru & Deep Fried Mars Bars in Scotland will be classified as Class A drugs and banned immediately.
2 Irn Bru & Deep Fried Mars Bars in Scotland will be classified as Class A drugs and banned immediately.
3 All Welsh Nationals will be required to rescind their crimes against sheep and be forced to adopt St George as their Patron Saint.
4 If no significant improvement in the French attitude towards Britain is obvious within six months, a State of War will be declared on the garlic smelling snail eating arrogant cocks.
5 The US will be required to include France, Belgium, Germany, Iceland & Argentina on the Axis of Evil list.
6 Full military and economic aid will be accorded to the State of Israel.
7 French & Spanish fishing vessels will be sunk on sight within British Territorial Waters (again creating meaningful employment for The Royal Navy).
8 Royal Navy male personnel will be banned from dancing with each other and wearing women's clothing when off duty.
9 Iceland will be forced to plug all Volcanoes and pay back every penny owed to the UK by their inept banking structure.
10 The UK first strike policy of nuclear warheads will be permissible against all countries on the Axis of Evil, especially France. France itself and it's colonies will be legal territory for the testing of UK nuclear weapons.
11 The 1997 Transfer of Sovereignty for Hong Kong to China will be revoked. China will be required to hand over Hong Kong Territories immediately to the UK. Failure to comply will result in the immediate takeover of all UK based Chinese Restaurants and repatriation of Chinese Nationals under Article 1 of our Immigration & Employment policy.
12 The US & all EU Nations will be required to implement a total ban on all Corned Beef imports from Argentina, thus crippling the Argentinian economy and reducing their ability to invade British territories ever again.
13 All monies saved from Article 1 of our Immigration & Employment policy will be added to the Defence Budget.
14 All foreign economic and development aid to third world nations will cease immediately and the monies saved will be used in the UK (but not Wales).
15 All UK households will be required to have a shed at the bottom of their garden or yard, in which this will become the permanent residence (whilst in the country) of all persons allowed entry into the UK under Article 3 of our Immigration & Employment policy.
16 EU Subsidies will be redistributed fairly as follows: 50% to the UK, and the rest shared equally to all other EU countries apart from France and Germany.
17 The EU Parliament currently based in Brussels will be relocated to Manchester. All EU Laws will only be passed upon agreement of the UK. Any policies or laws not deemed beneficial to the UK will be vetoed immediately and the proposing nation will be added to the Axis of Evil and subject to all penalties included in Article 10.
16 EU Subsidies will be redistributed fairly as follows: 50% to the UK, and the rest shared equally to all other EU countries apart from France and Germany.
17 The EU Parliament currently based in Brussels will be relocated to Manchester. All EU Laws will only be passed upon agreement of the UK. Any policies or laws not deemed beneficial to the UK will be vetoed immediately and the proposing nation will be added to the Axis of Evil and subject to all penalties included in Article 10.
Our Election Manifesto pt 1 ... Immigration & Employment Policies
1 All illegal immigrants must declare themselves to the authorities immediately. Upon declaration, we will do our utmost to find them jobs and housing - back in their own countries. Training in building updated banana boats will be given for crossing the English Channel back to France. Repatriation for illegals requiring travel further afield will be provided free of charge (once they have completed sufficient recompense for their earlier scrounging).
2 All French ports will be blockaded by the Royal Navy (thus creating a use for the Navy at last) and any illegals trying to cross into the UK via the Channel Tunnel or Eurostar will be declared "enemy combatants" and treated accordingly.
3 Immigration visas will only be provided for those that can support themselves and have legitimate job offers - verified by British authorities. Excellent written and verbal command of the English language is also a mandatory requirement. These posts will be non-accompanied (ie no families may be dragged along) until 5 year exemplary service to the UK has been achieved. No benefits or social services will be permitted.
4 French Authorities found aiding any illegals in attempting to cross into UK territory will be subject to immediate assassination or rendition in UK Military Prisons.
5 Travel into England from Wales will be denied to Welsh Nationals unless they have mitigating circumstances. The Severn Bridge toll charges will be raised to £1000 per person, £5000 per vehicle and £20000 per coach for travel out of Wales and will only apply to Welsh Nationals. The money from this tax will be used to reteach the Welsh the correct use of the English language and removal of Welsh language signs and literature, thus helping their economy and increasing jobs.
6 All Scottish nationals wishing to travel south of the border will be denied permission if they are in possession of bagpipes or have ginger hair. The only exception to this rule will be good looking non-ginger single nymphomaniac females. No mingers allowed.
7 All Scousers will be forced into work, or rule 1 will apply and be enforced with extreme prejudice.
8 All Chavs & Hoodies will be required to complete 12 months mandatory service at UK Military Bases, acting as live target practice for HM Forces. Trainers, shellsuits & burials will be provided. (See Articles 9 & 27 of the Domestic & Environmental Policy for Burial Procedures)
9 Job Seekers Allowance will only be given to those who have previously been in full time employment for 15 years. Anyone not meeting this requirement will be given mandatory work improving public facilities and infrastructure.
10 Anyone not in full time employment, or voluntarily working for the greater good of the country will find themselves falling foul of Article 1.
11 All Australian Nationals attempting to enter the UK will be subject to a Criminal Records Check going back to 1770 AD. This should ensure entry denied. (The Minogue Sisters are obviously exempt from this rule).
12 All US Nationals attempting to enter the UK will be forced to undergo British Military Recognition exams and will be banned from eating at fast food restaurants.
13 No French nationals will be allowed into the UK unless they arrive under Article 4 (Rendition) or are currently awaiting processing under Article 4 (Assasination).
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2 All French ports will be blockaded by the Royal Navy (thus creating a use for the Navy at last) and any illegals trying to cross into the UK via the Channel Tunnel or Eurostar will be declared "enemy combatants" and treated accordingly.
3 Immigration visas will only be provided for those that can support themselves and have legitimate job offers - verified by British authorities. Excellent written and verbal command of the English language is also a mandatory requirement. These posts will be non-accompanied (ie no families may be dragged along) until 5 year exemplary service to the UK has been achieved. No benefits or social services will be permitted.
4 French Authorities found aiding any illegals in attempting to cross into UK territory will be subject to immediate assassination or rendition in UK Military Prisons.
5 Travel into England from Wales will be denied to Welsh Nationals unless they have mitigating circumstances. The Severn Bridge toll charges will be raised to £1000 per person, £5000 per vehicle and £20000 per coach for travel out of Wales and will only apply to Welsh Nationals. The money from this tax will be used to reteach the Welsh the correct use of the English language and removal of Welsh language signs and literature, thus helping their economy and increasing jobs.
6 All Scottish nationals wishing to travel south of the border will be denied permission if they are in possession of bagpipes or have ginger hair. The only exception to this rule will be good looking non-ginger single nymphomaniac females. No mingers allowed.
7 All Scousers will be forced into work, or rule 1 will apply and be enforced with extreme prejudice.
8 All Chavs & Hoodies will be required to complete 12 months mandatory service at UK Military Bases, acting as live target practice for HM Forces. Trainers, shellsuits & burials will be provided. (See Articles 9 & 27 of the Domestic & Environmental Policy for Burial Procedures)
9 Job Seekers Allowance will only be given to those who have previously been in full time employment for 15 years. Anyone not meeting this requirement will be given mandatory work improving public facilities and infrastructure.
10 Anyone not in full time employment, or voluntarily working for the greater good of the country will find themselves falling foul of Article 1.
11 All Australian Nationals attempting to enter the UK will be subject to a Criminal Records Check going back to 1770 AD. This should ensure entry denied. (The Minogue Sisters are obviously exempt from this rule).
12 All US Nationals attempting to enter the UK will be forced to undergo British Military Recognition exams and will be banned from eating at fast food restaurants.
13 No French nationals will be allowed into the UK unless they arrive under Article 4 (Rendition) or are currently awaiting processing under Article 4 (Assasination).
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Monday, 26 April 2010
Jeremy Clarkson for PM !
Read Sir Clarkson's manifesto above lol
Bollocks to the the three "mainstream" parties - they are all just a bunch of power-hungry, cheating, lying scumbags!
And here is also a facebook page dedicated to the Rt Hon Clarkson's manifesto.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=6930684927&v=info
Enjoy :)
Bollocks to the the three "mainstream" parties - they are all just a bunch of power-hungry, cheating, lying scumbags!
And here is also a facebook page dedicated to the Rt Hon Clarkson's manifesto.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=6930684927&v=info
Enjoy :)
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