ARTHUR IS MISSING !!!!

FLASH MESSAGE

FLASH FLASH FLASH

081240ZJUN10
TO ALL TTB UNITS
FM RAFB
SUBJ ARTHUR
MSG ARTHUR MISSING FROM CELL STOP. LAST SEEN AT LIGHTS OUT 072100ZJUN10 STOP. PRISONER TO BE CLASSED AS EXTREMELY STUPID AND ANNOYING STOP. CONDUCT IMMEDIATE WIDE AREA SEARCH WITH 100 NM RADIUS OF TTB HQ STOP. APPROACH WITH CAUTION AND ARREST WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE IF FOUND STOP. PRISONER POSSIBLY HAS ACCOMPLICES FROM BBC SPECIAL OPS TEAM STOP. CONSIDER BBC SPEC OPS TEAM ARMED AND DANGEROUS STOP. REPORT ALL SIGHTINGS TO TTB HQ IMMEDIATELY STOP.
MSG ENDS.

Arthur - Calling For Help

It appears our concerns about the Odour Challenged Tramp were warranted ...


Marine Boy & RMP Bloke have just informed Artillery Bloke and myself that Arthur DID actually have a transmitter after all, and despite his well known ineptitude with anything technical, it appears that he may have actually sent a message of help to his best friend ! (well, 'acquaintance' would be more accurate ... as in he has some dodgy pictures of the bloke and is using bribery and extortion to get rescued!)


We thought we'd confiscated everything and blown up the obvious cavity with which he normally communicates, as no-one can understand a fucking thing that comes out of his mouth!


It appears we were mistaken!


Worryingly though, we believe that the senile old tosser's message actually may have reached his intended recipient ... and as a consequence, as soon as I have finished inaugurating the latest Butler intake, and Artillery gets back from the Puppy Convention, we will be increasing security around the doddering old git to ensure he can't escape - or be rescued.


Unfortunately, a civil rights 'rapist from Yorkshire has subpoenaed RMP Bloke for a recording of the transmission under the Freedom Of Information Act.


Bloody Do-Gooders !

Arthur - SitRep

Image by Automotiveart.nl via Flickr

We have heard rumours that Arthur has been attempting to arrange a rescue for himself.

Apparently, he has somehow managed to get hold of a portable telephonic device, and has been trying to enlist the help of The Stig, Jezza & and the rest of the Top Gear team to assist in his escape and quest for freedom.

Arthur is a known technically incompetent senile buffoon - so he'll probably end up contacting some alien lifeform or someone out in space as opposed to the BBC !!

However, we have beefed up our security pending his Kangaroo Court appearance, and have planted sophisticated listening devices in his cell to try and eavesdrop on any such messages.

Obviously the simple answer would be to go in and search him - but after what that bomb did to his arse - trust us - there's no way in hell that we're going in there ! NBC suits only provide so much protection !!

We will keep you posted.

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Arthur - Held Hostage

Al Jazeera have just released an audio tape allegedly made by Arthur, the infamous tramp from the North West of England.


Arthur was kidnapped by armed gunmen early this week, and a sprout was wired with explosives and tied to his arse.


A statement from the kidnappers has consequently been released today - unlike Arthur


"Arthur was kidnapped and held accountable by a 'Kangaroo Court' because of heinous crimes committed against the elderly local population. 


We realised Arthur was touring old people's homes, and was subjecting them to god awful singing and guitar playing that had many of them demanding immediate euthanasia.


We decided that action must be taken to teach Arthur a lesson."







It is thought that nobody gives a damn about Arthur's welfare, so it is unlikely anyone will be searching for him or attempting to mount a rescue.


Any further information received on the whereabouts or welfare of the senile old git, I mean, Arthur, will be posted if and when we can be arsed.

Arthur's Talkin'TotalBollocks Intro

Many thanks to Arthur for the voiceover ... 
...not that the senile old git had much choice as you can tell !


This will now be posted at the top of the front page of this blog, so as to hopefully torpedo any remote chance of Arthur actually launching his career in the spotlight! lol


Arthur normally appears most lunchtimes in a pub near you, and is usually in the gutter by the afternoon.


Many thanks Arthur.