Arthur - SitRep

Image by Automotiveart.nl via Flickr

We have heard rumours that Arthur has been attempting to arrange a rescue for himself.

Apparently, he has somehow managed to get hold of a portable telephonic device, and has been trying to enlist the help of The Stig, Jezza & and the rest of the Top Gear team to assist in his escape and quest for freedom.

Arthur is a known technically incompetent senile buffoon - so he'll probably end up contacting some alien lifeform or someone out in space as opposed to the BBC !!

However, we have beefed up our security pending his Kangaroo Court appearance, and have planted sophisticated listening devices in his cell to try and eavesdrop on any such messages.

Obviously the simple answer would be to go in and search him - but after what that bomb did to his arse - trust us - there's no way in hell that we're going in there ! NBC suits only provide so much protection !!

We will keep you posted.

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Arthur - Held Hostage

Al Jazeera have just released an audio tape allegedly made by Arthur, the infamous tramp from the North West of England.


Arthur was kidnapped by armed gunmen early this week, and a sprout was wired with explosives and tied to his arse.


A statement from the kidnappers has consequently been released today - unlike Arthur


"Arthur was kidnapped and held accountable by a 'Kangaroo Court' because of heinous crimes committed against the elderly local population. 


We realised Arthur was touring old people's homes, and was subjecting them to god awful singing and guitar playing that had many of them demanding immediate euthanasia.


We decided that action must be taken to teach Arthur a lesson."







It is thought that nobody gives a damn about Arthur's welfare, so it is unlikely anyone will be searching for him or attempting to mount a rescue.


Any further information received on the whereabouts or welfare of the senile old git, I mean, Arthur, will be posted if and when we can be arsed.