Arthur was kidnapped by armed gunmen early this week, and a sprout was wired with explosives and tied to his arse.
A statement from the kidnappers has consequently been released today - unlike Arthur
"Arthur was kidnapped and held accountable by a 'Kangaroo Court' because of heinous crimes committed against the elderly local population.
We realised Arthur was touring old people's homes, and was subjecting them to god awful singing and guitar playing that had many of them demanding immediate euthanasia.
We decided that action must be taken to teach Arthur a lesson."
It is thought that nobody gives a damn about Arthur's welfare, so it is unlikely anyone will be searching for him or attempting to mount a rescue.
Any further information received on the whereabouts or welfare of the senile old git, I mean, Arthur, will be posted if and when we can be arsed.
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Al? Al Jazeera?? How is the lazy twat? Last I heard from him he was peddling terrorist propaganda over the airwaves. I told him at the time that this was absolute shit - broadcasting and supporting evil, twisted criminals wasn't right. I even offered to blow him up, or shoot him from close range with a ball bearing gun, in such quantities he would die - slowly and painfully. Obviously he refused.....
ReplyDeleteThe offer still stands, in fact I would do it without him asking
I agree !
ReplyDeleteAnother bonus of taking Al-Jazz (that's his stage name)out - is that Arthur would be without his musical jamming partner when they terrorise old dears at their homes together !
No more Arthur music - no more Al-Jazz.
Priceless !
So, that's it then, I knew we would find a use for this blog! Why terrorists attack - well, it's because they are allergic to the smell of wrinkly old British people. Firstly, they locked them away in special homes where they can dribble to their hearts content, then they torture them by sending in Arthur and Al with the white noise (pretending to be entertainers)and lastly use extreme methods of voilence attempting to prevent younger people from turning into pink, wrinkly, dribbling, incontinent old bastards.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the flip side - we are now obviously doing the country a public service by saving the younger generation from Al & Arthur ?
ReplyDeleteThe things you can do with this blog! Wow!
Hey hang on ... just re-reading your comment above ...
... you are locked away in a special home when not allowed out for 'good behaviour' (ie undected crime!)
... you smell of damp and have strange stains
... and you dribble
OMFG !!! Have you heard Arthur sing ?!?!
SUE !!! AB NEEDS YOUR HELP !!!!!!
Again, my pilotless budgey friend, it is the white noise that Arthur produces that final destroys the spirit and the will to live of the damp bottomed ones. I have no desire to hear him "sing" as you put it but you will, before me be forced to enter a 'home' and well, it was nice knowing you old bean.
ReplyDeleteWhat! What! Tally ho! and all that
i have met AL and Arthur and i will have you know that they can jam. i mean wow Arthur can slur the anthem like an Angel. Only issue i have is their sumo torture. SUMO torture i hear you say well this is when you get tide up or down depending on the sumos abilities in a room full of fat, horny sumos who have been told they aint eating till they have all forced you to bring them to orgasm by riding your top lip like bronko bill on a ball.
ReplyDeleteI have to disagree with you my All-Knowing Trainee-Jedi Ninja.
ReplyDeleteArthur & Al's jamming abilities are inept and an affront to the music industry.
Sumo Torture? I must admit I'm not familar with it - but Artillery Bloke informs me he is learning the sport as he is physically suited to such a thing and he will be bringing out a DIY Sumo Torture DVD in time for Christmas.
Not an image I particularly wish to have in my head though - and the type of thing that a less mentally strong being would lead them straight to The Couch!
This has the makings of an entirely new thread methinks :)