Will England triumph? Will we be embarrassed ... again?
Who will lift the infamous Jules Rimet Trophy?
(yeah I know ... 1966 and all that!)
I must add a note of caution though ... for those of you that don't know ... Jules Rimet was in fact French !
(Probably was a nice bloke - but was French - therefore a Cock)
I suspect this was a masterplan which Michel Platini had conjured up whilst in the womb to ensure French dominance in the beautiful game.
(French Arrogant Cock)
Thankfully his dastardly plan hasn't worked properly - with the minor exception of the 1998 nightmare - which was an disgrace and embarrassment to all things glorious and decent and shall never ever be spoken of here again.
But the threat of the cheating French Cocks must be closely scrutinised, as well as any attempts to bribe or coerce the match officials by Platini or that other idiot Sepp Blatter (who is German) and thus present a dual clear and present threat to English chances of success.
(German Cock)
Talking of threats to us winning ...
(God)
Mr Capello (who will now be temporarily referred to as God) names his initial 30-man squad tomorrow.
It is here that I offer A Prayer ...
Please God - in the name of all things holy and righteous ...
DO NOT INCLUDE THAT BUMBLING BUFFOON Emile Heskey - who has the impertinent sacrilegious cheek to have 'Ivanhoe' as a middle name - in your squad and is as much use as a chocolate fire guard!
(Bumbling Buffoon)
Also - think seriously about including that other buffoon Peter Crouch as he may nick a few goals but is seriously cack, er, I mean rubbish, most of the time!
(Peter Crouch)
(A Flamingo)
Thank you God. ... er, I mean, Amen.
.
England's 30-man provisional squad for the World Cup finals:
ReplyDeleteGoalkeepers: Joe Hart (Manchester City), David James (Portsmouth), Robert Green (West Ham).
Defenders: Leighton Baines (Everton), Jamie Carragher (Liverpool), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Michael Dawson (Tottenham), Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United), Glen Johnson (Liverpool), Ledley King (Tottenham), John Terry (Chelsea), Matthew Upson (West Ham), Stephen Warnock (Aston Villa).
Midfielders: Gareth Barry (Manchester City), Michael Carrick (Manchester United), Joe Cole (Chelsea), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Tom Huddlestone (Tottenham), Adam Johnson (Manchester City), Frank Lampard (Chelsea), Aaron Lennon (Tottenham), James Milner (Aston Villa), Scott Parker (West Ham), Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Shaun Wright-Phillips (Manchester City).
Forwards: Darren Bent (Sunderland), Peter Crouch (Tottenham), Jermain Defoe (Tottenham), Emile Heskey (Aston Villa), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United).
Dear "God",
Are you having a fucking giraffe ?!?!
Emile Fucking Heskey as well as Peter 'The Flamingo' Crouch ?!
I'm feeling like we're doomed already !
For the love of all things great - why oh why oh why have you chosen these blundering fools ?!?!
If they score loadsa goals and destroy Brazillian and Spanish defences - then I'll take back these words ... but I have about as much confidence in Heskey & Crouch as I do my chances of nailing custard to the ceiling!
Excellent my pipe smoking, butler bashing blog bloke. I thoroughly agree with you.
ReplyDeleteCustard, however, is a seperate blog post. But if you used my mother's custard, you could use it to support the ceiling
What you fail to understand is that he is going to employ the pinball formation, Crouch is going tobe the pin at top of pitch located 6 ft from 6 yard box then all we need todo is ricoshay of this lankey string of piss and score plus they need somone to hook nets on to the crossbar
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the asylum Mr Tiggles!
ReplyDeleteA point well made ! At least you have eloquently found a use for the long-legged freak! Let's hope he does actually provide us with goals and not just stupid robotic dances !
It's still the Bumbling Buffoon Heskey that worries me ... and also David 'Calamity' James ... a useless big-haired freak even when he was allgedly classed as a 'reasonably decent keeper' many moons ago, as opposed to the 'useless muppet' that he is today!
"Mr Tiggles"???? Stange...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, football.
Quarter finals.
Disappointment.
Crap performances.
Usual World Cup then.....
Your optimism is outstanding !
ReplyDelete