Other signs are being placed in shop windows in towns and villages near the county borders
Spokesmen from the county on the decent side of the Pennines were asked for their reaction to this campaign : "Tossers !" was the unanimous reply.
Yorkshire County Council are increasing their vast army of female therapists in order to counter this perceived threats to their windows.
Ethel Humplethwaite (19) from Keithley, and reigning Miss Yorkshire 2010 (pictured below), who is a trainee therapist and counsellor, was asked to comment on the locals reaction to this strange phenomena.
"O'reet! Eeh bah gum lad. Crap 'ere in't it!" she replied unintelligently.
Other therapists were quite forthright in combating the problem. "That's why they call us The Rapists ... 'cos when they're on't couch, we fuck 'em up in't heads, and then fuck 'em in't arse with whippet at same time! It's reet grand it is" said one alarmingly in a weird accent.
Locals in towns from civilised counties that border Yorkshire are concerned about the mobilisation and are threatening to counter it by placing cattle grids on al the roads out of Yorkshire to stop any emigration of the indigenous intelligentsia, ie sheep.
"What worries us most ..." said Bob, a stunningly attractive butler working in Manchester (pictured below),
is that the Yorkies are charging ridiculous amounts of money so that they can get innocent people to lie on their couches whilst they perv at them, mess with their heads and generally interfere with them whilst they're vulnerable. It's not right. They should start getting a real job and do something useful like I do!" Bob had to dash off to ensure that her chores were complete and be ready for the return of her boss.
Yorkshire therapists have been strongly criticised in the past for attempting to fill peoples heads with all sorts of strange campaigns like 'Gravy and Chips is normal', 'Visit Yorkshire' and 'Sheep Suck - Extremely Well!' and totally insane ramblings that Yorkshire is 'God's Country'.
(Above & Below: Yorkshire Tourist Attractions)
"There's only one thing worse than Yorkshire and Therapists ... and that's a Yorkshire Therapist! ..." stated Burt, a volunteer worker for Lancashire Against The Yorkshire Menace. "... or worserer still ... more than one Yorkshire Therapist!" he added.
Yorkshire Officials were unavailable to comment as they were reportedly unable to agree on the spelling or grammar of their reply, despite writing it slowly as none of them could read very fast.
The New PM is expected to release a statement shortly.
(THIS ARTICLE WAS APPROVED & CO-WRITTEN WITH ARTILLERY BLOKE)
I think you should have warned me of the content of this one in order to have purchased a box of Tena lady whilst in town this aft.
ReplyDeleteFirstly...I am not a trainee, I'm qualified ;o)
Secondly...I shave every day and you will NEVER EVER see me with unsightly 2 day stubble like that (well except for on me down days, but hey can't look any worse than some one's goaty I heard about this week lol)
Thirdly...are you completely illterate and a dumb wit??? It is spelt KEIGHLEY duh brain!!
Fourthly...how else do you think we can keep our windows clean without paying the extortionate fee of £4.50 for your average detached house! We employ the simpletons who have been deported to Lancashire from the counties of Wiltshire and East Sussex. We employ these renegades and poor lost souls, who generally have and ASBO, as no one else will give them the time of day...so have a heart!
Fifthly...and as for 'Bob'...hahahaha in your dreams mate ;o)
Why are you assuming that Ethel Humplethwaite is you? Mind you ... all Yorkies are inbred freaks so the chances are that she's related to you admittedly!
ReplyDeleteAs to your stubble ... I just assumed it was due to the low lighting and shadows in that bar in York ... perhaps that explains your fascination with SheMen ?!?!
And you of all people cannot comment on my spelling or grammar wench !! lol
With regards to the simpletons and ASBO rejects from Lancashire and Wurzle Land ... pah ! Check the crime stats dear !
:)
Bob is the recipient of extensive plastic surgery in a NHS hospital. He, however, has not been finished yet.......
ReplyDeleteI have never been deported, I left before I was turned into an ignorant, arrogant, selfish idiot that they all tend to be from that part of the world. I left with full mental capability and a fully functioning sense of humour, - it was then I was kidnapped and force fed gravy by strange people from Yorkshire....
Help me......the gravy......oh my god......its here....run awa
Perhaps you need to see a shrink mate - might help you get over the PTSD of Yorkshire ... then again!
ReplyDeleteOh and re Bob - SHE has never had plastic surgery and is naturally stunning like her pic suggests.
She is very hurt and offended at your comments and I have shall have to give her some special counselling upstairs!
hey ho :)