Premier Managers End of Term Report Cards

Found this in the Daily Mail Online, which made me giggle:

Sporting Week's end of term report on the Premier League managers highlights certain key areas which the group need to tackle over the summer.

The domestic season is over and now those bosses have to watch their players slog it out for another month at the World Cup while trying to get new ones in.

In the meantime, here's how they rated on their SW report cards...

Alex Ferguson

May soon have to accept that it is someone else's turn to be head boy. His timekeeping was as erratic as ever, although he is getting on much better in the French depratment  than previously.  

Arsene Wenger

Arsene continues to be a dreamer who believes in the metaphysical search for poetic perfection. Unfortunately this again meant he fell short in all the important examinations when a degree of pragmatism was required. 

Carlo Ancelotti

Despite his  wealthy back-
ground, Carlo still needed to show diplomacy and expertise in leading an unruly and somewhat unpleasant group during team-building exercises. That he managed it so soon after arriving speaks volumes for the boy.  

Harold Redknapp

Harold spent heavily at the school tuck shop and has finally gained the widespread respect of his peers as a result.
Having said that, questions remain about where he actually got so much pocket money from in the first place. 

Roberto Mancini

A warm character, mainly thanks to his ever-
present muffler, Roberto has fitted in well despite coming to the school in mid-term. Not afraid to defend his territory in front of the disruptive Scottish element in the class - but not at the expense of his immaculate hair-do, obviously. 

Martin O'Neill

It was very difficult to decipher exactly what Martin meant during some of his more impassioned debates but he has the right principles at heart. 

Rafael Benitez

Rumours that he was about to abruptly end his difficult stint as an exchange student - many of them seemingly started by Rafael himself - did not make this an easy year for the highly-strung Spaniard. He had the chance to build on last  term's encouraging progress but was held back by all-too-obvious conflict issues with figures of authority. Must do better next time - if he is still here. 

Anthony Pulis

His refusal to take his cap off caused friction with officials during assembly and a willingness to brawl with larger boys has left him in some awkward positions in the showers after games. Otherwise, starting to look at home in this environment.  

Avram Grant

The contro-
versy when he was found in an unsavoury part of town while wearing his school uniform did not help Avram - neither did a shortfall in his school fee payments halfway through the academic year. As a result Avram and his group will be held back a year for their own good. 

STAR PUPIL...ROY HODGSON

Roy certainly gained more than any other boy from our exciting field trips to remote parts of Europe.
Where some moaned about the travelling arrangements, Roy simply 

got on with it and tried to take the most from each experience.
He wins the special Harrods hamper which is awarded to the most mature student.

Brian Laws

Brian was very much caught in the backdraft of Owen Coyle's petulant and disruptive decision to jump ship to a supposedly posher neighbouring school, apparently because he 'preferred the canteen food and the view from the playing fields'. Brian was left with very little time to make an impact on the class, although his detractors may suggest this was a good thing.  

Owen Coyle

Owen is becoming a thoughtless and bull-headed boy who would be well advised to make sure he does not loiter behind the bike sheds after hours, as he has made many enemies with his 'self, self, self' attitude. 

Samuel Allardyce

Samuel has bounced back well after a traumatic period at a much bigger school in a rough area where he was picked on mercilessly and eventually harried out of town. Seems much happier in an environment near to where he first made a bright impression. 

Alex McCleish

A quiet achiever who gets on with his work and leaves the histrionics to more self-centred individuals. Well done Alexander, a very satisfactory year.  

David Moyes

David seemed to be asleep for the first two terms before finally showing us what we know he is capable of. In danger of treading water if he does the same again next time.  

Roberto Martinez

Had the chance to influence the exciting end of year drama production when offered a starring role but then let everyone down by inexplicably failing to turn up.  

Iain Dowie

Only turned up at the end of the final term and immediately disappointed at the annual charity beauty contest organised by sixth form pupils which his predecessor won last year thanks to a dazzling smile, a great voice and an alarming tan. 

Steven Bruce

Steven is a very brave young man, as a history of standing up to his old manager's hairdryer treatment and chasing potential car thieves away from his home illustrates. So it was no wonder that he thrived in the north-east.  

Mick McCarthy

Proved his detractors wrong by mana-
ging to stay in the top set, - no doubt motivated by the desire to avoid that nasty boy Roy Keane from further down the school for as long as possible. 

OFF TO A NEW SCHOOL: GIANFRANCO ZOLA

Rounded off a traumatic few months by winning the sack race on sports day. Good luck for the future Gianfranco.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1280089/THAT-WAS-THE-SPORTING-WEEK-Just-Premier-Leagues-bosses-fared-end-term-report-cards.html?ITO=1490#ixzz0opmu7xX3