A French and American general were surveying a battlefield. A bullet strikes the American general, grazing his arm. He shouts "Aide! Bring me my red jacket!"
The French general asks "Why did you do that?"
The American general responds "So my men don't see that I'm bleeding, and lose hope."
A second bullet narrowly misses the French general's ear, and he shouts: "Aide! Bring me my brown trousers!"
George Bush, Jaques Chirac and Tony Blair all go hunting. At the end of the night, they are cleaning their game and having a drink when Tony Blair stands, throws a bottle of whiskey in the air and yells "For Queen and country". He then pulls out a pistol and shoots the bottle out of the air.
Chirac stands and throws a bottle of champagne in the air screaming, "Viva la France". He, too, pulls his pistol and shoots the bottle.
George, not to be out done throws a can of beer in the air and pulls out his pistol. Then he shoots Chirac and yells "It doesn't get any better than this".
Q: Why don't the French want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
A: He hates America, he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French.
Donald Rumsfeld was being heckled by a French anti-war protester when he turned and asked the Frenchman:
"Excuse me. Do you speak German?"
The Frenchman replied "No."
Rumsfeld looked him in the eyes and said "You're welcome."
The French battle flag - three white fleur-de-lies on a white background.
You are the President of the United States. Astronomers have spotted a meteor headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in three days, at approximately 3:30 am EST. The meteor is large enough to wipe France from the face of the earth.
France and the UN have requested that the US immediately send all available ships and aircraft to evacuate the French population. Hundreds of thousands of French people are gathered on Omaha Beach at Normandy hoping for US ships to appear on the horizon.
The ships and planes you could send are being used to fight the war on terror overseas. As President, you must decide:
(1) Do you stay up that night to watch live coverage of the impact, or
(2) Do you tape it and watch it the next day?
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking on the beach one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, " says the genie.
The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming.
The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France.
The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."
The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."
Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Frenchman is there?
A: He's the one with a duck.
Q: How do you know if an Italian is there?
A: He bet on the duck.
Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there?
A: The duck wins.
Q: Why do the French call their fighter jet the "Mirage"?
A: Because it's never been seen in a combat zone.
The only seat available on the train was next a well dressed middle-aged French woman and was being used by her dog.
The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"
The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"
The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honour and chastise the American.
An Englishman sitting opposite spoke up indignantly "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
"In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from Run to Hide.
If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to Surrender, or even as high as Collaborate."
If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to Surrender, or even as high as Collaborate."
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." General George S. Patton
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." French President Jacques Chirac
"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" Hannibal Lecter
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." Marge Simpson
NEWS FLASH
According to a high ranking French source wishing to remain anonymous, French leadership was enormously relieved that Iraq was overrun by Coalition forces faster than France was overrun by Germany in WWII.
Had the French not hindered the Coalition Forces, France might have remained the world's most easily conquered nation.
This proves that Chirac is not quite as dumb as the world thinks, and that treachery has once again served France's national needs.
Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.
There's an old saying...
Raise your right hand if you like the French...
Raise both hands if you are French.
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